[Rambling alert: this is a post about myself, to clear out my mind. It probably doesn't have any interest to you at all. It's not about fashion, it's not about movies, tv shows, beauty, inspiration, whatever really - it's not. So if you're not on the mood for some sort of personal crisis, keep browsing and see you on the next post. Thanks for stopping by anyway! ]

{ Picture taken a while back for this post }

Time has a strange dynamic, but above all, an extreme and hard to figure out power. And it goes by fast when we stop paying attention. This, of course, makes life way more interesting but way shorter too. I guess that, as in everything, you just can’t have it all. And you certainly can’t take back time.

Today I’m turning 25.
25 – a quarter of a century. Damn… I’m not usually a drama queen, but I hate birthdays (my birthdays), specially those with a certain weight like 18 and now 25 (and 30, 35, 40, 50, … to come – the staple numbers).

Why? Because they make me rewind and evaluate more accurately and seriously what I’ve been doing and getting from life. And every time I do this I usually get disappointed with myself – my fault only, for keeping the stakes too high, but as much as I’d love to be one of those wonderful creatures who manage to live their lives without making any plans, taking what life gives them and all that cheerfully romantic and careless crap, I’m not, and it’s not something that I am particularly proud of. But we are what we are, and so I plan, I make lists – lots of them, plans, timetables, project sheets and all that sort of shit that supposedly makes me more organized, focused and efficient, but in the end it doesn’t because all of the sudden BAM!! – it all falls apart and things never ever come out as planned.
N-e-v-e-r.

This to say what? The obvious – that I am way behind on the plans I made to myself when I was 18 (I have to go look for that list, ’cause I’m sure there was more there than I can remember)… Sure, a lot of things happened in between, good and bad, a bunch of them that I did not see coming but those are just the spices in a regular dish, right? And I couldn’t say everything went wrong because that would just be a big fat lie, but well, things didn’t evolved exactly as planned (and then again what does a very fresh 18 years old girl knows about life anyway?!)… I mean, I fell in love, I got my heart ripped off and then stitched back with time, I finished my degree properly, I have a challenging job (most of the days too challenging) in what I’ve studied for, I’m a quite strong and independent woman, I’ve met wonderful people, went to a few places – not even close to as many as I’d like but…, had some experiences and learned a lot in the process… On the other hand I also lost a few so called friends, been disappointed too many times and sure failed some important people too. I’m behind on my studies and savings and travelling and general knowledge. I’m still not living entirely on my own and I won’t even talk about material stuff I’d like to have and I don’t because that is the less of it…

Anyway, it’s not that bad. It’s god, ok – but god is so boring… Who wants to settle for god when you can aim for great? Where’s great? How bad do I have to bust my ass to get there?! Maybe I don’t have the potential, or luck (that was never my forte…). There’s something lacking.

The thing is, you grow old and wiser (I hope) but you still can’t manage to keep up, as much as you try because life apparently always manages to keep you surprised (thank God, I guess?!), pulling the rug from under you… You bitch…

Balance. Balance is the key. To keep surfing [I don't know a thing about surf, I must say, though - I can't even swim! (another thing I should know by now...)].

PS: A big thank you to all the wonderful people who have been part of my life so far, making me happy and keeping me on track. No names needed, you know where you stand.